Why You Feel Empty After Breaking Up With a Narcissist/Psychopath | psychopaths of life (2023)

This is a very common problem in people who have recently broken up with a person with a toxic disorder such as a psychopath/sociopath or narcissist. They often feel that awful emptiness that they didn't feel, or at least didn't feel as much, before meeting that person. Where does this come from and what can we do about it?

The main reason victims often tend to feel empty after a breakup with a narcissist or psychopath is that the entire process of interaction is designed to fuse and unify their identities over time, to the point , where it often feels like they've been taken away. too much of his own identity and sense of self with them.

In other words, these people are skilled manipulators and know how to hold onto, rely on, and psychologically entangle a person to the point that when they (often abruptly and without explanation) leave, they leave a trail of damage left with the other. Person who cannot be easily singled out and recovered. It feels like a big part of you went with them.

While this isn't uncommon when it comes to breakups in general (don't many people feel sad or empty after breakups?), the way messy people like narcissists and sociopaths deftly adapt to the lives and thoughts of the people they're with which they are involved together. plus the often pre-existing co-dependent tendencies of the victims, means that this dynamic really does escalate to an 11, leaving the affected person in great pain after the toxic person is gone.

But luckily there are ways to deal with it and people recover after being in a relationship with them. Let's take a closer look at some of the reasons for this dynamic.

Explanation of interpersonal interactions and identity

To better understand this question, we need to build up some psychological theory about how our identity is formed. In short, it's not really something that's just "there"; is something that is activeFormatthrough our interactions with others.

As mindfulness speaker Mark Williams puts it here:

“Our experience comes from our body interacting with the world, from ourselves interacting with other selves. And our whole sense of identity, contrary to what Descartes said (Cogito ergo sum – I think, therefore I am) – identity is the part you can be sure of – (actually), as philosophers have since said, the only reason I have, I have any sense of "I" at allit's because of your interactions with other people.

Therefore, it is interaction with other people, other bodies, other thoughts, other objects in the world that explains our self-fulfilling nature.

See Also

What to do when a relationship ends, but your feelings don't11 feelings of separation and what they really mean11 ways to deal with loneliness after a breakup or divorce knowledge for menHow to deal with loneliness after a breakup? 12 Tips for Dealing with Loneliness and Anxiety After a Breakup - HeTexted

marca williams -Look here.

So it is who we interact with and how we interact with them that determines the path our “self” and identity take, and what gives us our sense of self in the first place.

Why the narcissist/psychopath makes you feel miserable and empty

Now that we've covered that simple bit of theory, I think some readers have already clicked on why we often feel empty after a relationship with a narcissist/psychopath.

It often happens that the messy person intentionally becomes the focus of your life, to the point where you are dependent on them for most or all of your interactions and therefore your sense of identity in the world. Once that wears off, as the relationship ends, their confidence seems to go with them.

To some extent, this can happen in many relationships, even non-narcissistic ones. However, the narcissist/sociopath marks this with “Seeksmany more steps for them than a normal relationship, to the point that after they leave, the effect can be much more negative for the other person.

Here are some ways they do this:

• Relationships with messy people often begin with intense mutual attention and a back-and-forth dynamic that often connects you with them.
• Constant love bombardment in the first few bars, making the perfect couple, being and giving anything you want, intense thinking, etc.
• A good way to sum this up is that narcissists/sociopaths are always trying to give you "that little bit extra" in terms of attention, attunement, mirroring, etc. that you don't get in other relationships.
• they are tooextremely chameleonin terms of how they "stick" to the last person they were with, copying their traits, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. They usually become a clone or you and/or vice versa.
• Narcissists/Psychopaths will also often attempt to create barriers and separate you from other friends and family, further isolating you so that more of your interactions will be with them.

"When you first meet a psychopath, things happen extremely quickly. They tell you how much they have in common with you, how perfect you are for them. Like a chameleon, they mirror your hopes, dreams, and insecurities to form an immediate bond of confidence and enthusiasm. You are constantly initiating communication and seem fascinated by you on all levels. If you have a Facebook page, you can fill it with songs, praise, poetry, and inside jokes."

Jackson Mackenzie-look here

In short, narcissists/psychopaths will make every effort to ensure that their sense of identity and sense of self (and self-esteem) are owned and controlled by them as much as possible.

The logical conclusion that can be drawn from this is that as this process develops, the more tied your sense of identity will become to the narcissist.Once they're gone, they'll feel like a large part of their identity has gone with them.

This becomes more pronounced the longer the relationship lasts and the more the toxic person has "addicted" you by establishing your identity and isolating you from others who may have compounded this effect.

There are many ways to say it, but here's a great quote that's the best way I've seen to describe it:

“(Narcissists and psychopaths) just chew through one person at a time, always trying to fill themselves up with other people's happiness and lives. And it's a bottomless pit: you can never fill yourself.

And finally, if you keep going, the devastation they can wreak in your life is horrifying. It'll make you question your dates at times, folks, your own sanity...

When you are a lonely (person) in a (relationship with a drug dealer/psychopath) can be very exciting because you think you have finally found someone who can be a part of your life and fill the void that you believe in that you could have them. missing state

The problem is that they will fill it,But when they get out of there, they take three quarters of you with them and it's going to be a very sick chase to put it all back together and put it back in and feel whole again and you can't, them. gone again.

And these people come in, they revel in the attention, and that's the dangerous thing, they also revel in the destruction. They love to know that they did this to you and that they ruined your world. And often they find it challenging or fun to be able to do this with other people.”

Best Graduation -look here

See Also

Expert Advice on Dealing with That Emptiness After a Breakup5 things to do to fill the empty space left after a breakupHow I Dealt with the Pain of Being Alone After a BreakupHow to deal with depression after a breakup

I love this quote because first of all it's a great way to show how dangerous and toxic narcissists and psychopaths are to normal people because not only do they NEVER fill the emptiness inside themselves with all their bullshit, they fill itbut they also leave other people empty and devastated while trying.

It's like her emptiness is contagious🇧🇷 They pass it on to other people through their long-standing contact, so these people should definitely be avoided. When writers on the subject say that these people leave a trail of rubble and destruction, it is no exaggeration. Avoid serious engagements with these people like the plague.

And the quote also sums up how and why the process of symbiosis these messy people are involved in, where they mix up their identities and imprison you, is so toxic.because it makes you feel the same emptiness they feel when they leave because their identities were so close🇧🇷 And unfortunately, this isn't something that can be easily fixed with a click of a finger, as they usually strive to bring their personality in as much as possible over time.

So when they're gone, it feels like a big part of you is gone too.

To learn more about the psychoanalytic theory of symbiosis and the regression that narcissists effectively induce in the people they surround themselves with, see the following interview with Sam Vaknin.

Sam Vaknin - How the Narcissist/Psychopath Colonizes Your Mind (Cutting Edge Theory)

Other ways to explain this gap

I think the explanation above is the main reason why we often feel empty after relationships with upset people, but there are other ways to describe and explain this phenomenon. I think most of them are really derivatives of the previous point, but here are other ways to understand the void:

• Realizing that the last X months/years with this person have been a complete scam, an illusion and a waste of time, that they never really loved you and only faked it for their own amusement. A feeling that you have wasted your life and energy on this person.
• A feeling of "what the hell am I supposed to do with my life now that that person is gone." Their identities were so confused that they forgot who they were or what they were doing before they emerged. Maybe you're groaning and don't know what to do with your time.
• Realizing that you have essentially been with a "ghost" all along, someone who doesn't even really exist, who has no real identity or sense of self (Chameleon Personality Type)
• A perception that the person has never really valued you for themselves, only for the feelings they have around you that "Providethey got from you. a sense of beingobjectifiedmidressedinstead of being valued as a person.
• A feeling of confusion and difficulty finding a reason for leaving when they left suddenly and without explanation (psychopaths/narcotics often do). You will turn your life upside down and brood endlessly trying to figure out why they did it.
• The vicious abuse these people commit can often reopen old wounds from the past and magnify what makes you feelfall asleepand blank (you should seek help from atherapistwork with it)

Tips to bridge the gap after toxic relationships

This list is not exhaustive and many people find many different ways to heal and recover, but here are some suggestions on what to try when you're feeling that emptiness after a toxic relationship:

• If possible, reconnect with friends and family that the narcissist/psychopath has isolated you from, draining your sense of identity.
• If you are struggling with emptiness, numbness, depression or other issues after a toxic relationship,seek help from a good therapistto work with these problems.codependencymilimitsthey are also crucial issues to resolve after Group B abuse.
• If brooding and overthinking have become a particular problem, keep workingfull attentionas a way to slow down and let go of the intellectual/analytical mind and reconnect with your body/emotions.
• Learn to recognize signs of narcissism and other personality disorders and distance yourself from these people more quickly, especially if you see them playing the same game and trying to isolate you from others. see oursresource pagefor some good books on understanding personality disorders to better understand what happened.
• Build your identity through interactions with healthy, safe andrespect borderPeople. Use this transitional period in your life as a chance to let go.Alltoxic people in your life, not just that person.
• see oursneuHobbies, interests, activities, projects that weren't even on your radar during the toxic relationship. Try to reconstruct your identity in terms of what you do with your time.
• From hereWhen it comes to socialization and interactions, never put all your eggs in one basket🇧🇷 Aim for a mixed and varied social life and never again rely on just one person to provide the majority of your interactions and socializing. And never let anyone isolate you from support systems ever again.
• Accept that the process of re-establishing your own identity will likely take a long time, and progress will be measured in months and years, not weeks. However, with the right steps, your original self will slowly prevail.
• Psychologically, you have to go through the processindividualization again after a toxic relationship with a narcissist/psychopath. Watch the video embedded above to learn more about the theory behind it.
• Complete honesty and personal responsibility are also important in recovery. In many cases (maybe not all), if the person is honest, they already had some kind of emptiness or lack in their life prior to the relationship, and this is what caused them to be attracted to the narcissist/psychopath they seemed. offer something they lacked. This needs to be acknowledged and addressed if it's true: what was missing in your life that caused you to allow this person to "complete it"?