Last updated on Oct 11, 2022 byAlexander Major
Why would an ex contact you years after the relationship ended? The two have moved on, found a new partner and are happy, so what's the point? They hadstrong feelingsThings didn't end well for your ex and you don't want him to interfere in your life.
But at the same time, he is curious why they communicate with them. What if you start talking again and old feelings resurface? Have you ever thought about getting back together with your ex?
You can do one of two things, listen to what your ex has to say orignore-her. However, when an ex contacts you years later, here's what it means.
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Why do ex-boyfriends get in touch years later?
There are several reasons why exes come back years later, including because they are just checking up on you, want to sincerely apologize, or are jealous of your happiness.
Here are ten reasons why exes get closer years later.
#1 They only control you
The first thing most people think of when they come into contact with anex is that they want something.
I'm not sure what, but that call, text message, or email is met with suspicion, and with good reason.
You haven't heard from your ex in years and he's been contacting you out of the blue.
What is happening? Absolutely nothing, your ex has no ulterior motives.
They literally just check on you to see if you are ok. They don't want to know how you are. They want to hear it directly from you.
#2 You want to sincerely apologize
Your ex didn't treat you very well when you were together and on top of that, he dumped you and never looked back. To be fair, you were teenagers when you got together and they had no idea about relationships.
Now you've matured and realized how terrible your partner was and how their actions can cause trust issues for you.
After much thought, your ex decides to contact you again and tell you how sorry he is.
You are not trying to rekindle the relationship orbe friends. They just want you to know they're sorry.
#3 They are jealous of your happiness
You and your ex may not be friends on social media, but they managed to get on your page and they know all about the wonderful life you live without them.
They are married, have beautiful children, are successful and have the most amazing vacations.
Any ex-normal would respect the life you've built and stick with it. But it seems your ex can't help himself and wants to try and drag you down to his pathetic level.
They know they could never have given you the life you have now. They feel so inadequate that they want to see if they can stop it.
#4 They want to see if you are in the mood for sex
There's no doubt that you had amazing sex with your ex, but that's what the relationship was for.
Outside of the bedroom, the two of you weren't compatible.
They found out you were single and decided to try their luck and see if you would accept a drink. But they really hope they end up in bed together.
#5 They Want to Get Back Together
After several failed relationships, your ex has realized he wants you back.
Even though they had problems when they were together, they always got ahead of themselves and were happy.
They broke up because an argument went too far, but they want to see if you can pick up where you left off.
#6 They want advice on something
There are things only you know about your partner. Now that they're dealing with things only you know about, they have nowhere else to turn.
The only reason your ex is trying to reconnect is because he needs counseling about a serious issue he's having.
#7 They want to give you bad news
Maybe you were very close with a friend or family member of your ex and he was seriously ill and on his deathbed or died suddenly.
Whatever the bad news your ex thought you might want to know. They may want you to come to the hospital and say goodbye, or they may call to invite you to the funeral.
#8 They want to know if you think the same as them
It's weird to call your ex to see if he's thinking the same thing, but that's because you still feelhooked up with your ex.
Maybe you've spent the last few years reflecting on how perfect you were together and that you haven't had a better relationship since then.
#9 They want to be friends
It's been several years since you broke up with your ex and they assumed you were over it.
They were friends before starting a relationship and becoming a couple destroyed their friendship.
You both have a partner, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you and hopes you can be friends again.
#10 You're Alone
Loneliness will make us scroll through our phones and contact people we normally wouldn't.
If your ex is single and all of your friends are dating, they may be going through periods of loneliness where they desperately need someone to talk to.
So they pick up the phone, dial your number, and hope you're as alone as they are and ready to talk.
It's important to mention that this is a dangerous place because it fills a void and you forget why you broke up in the first place.
One conversation makes two, two makes three, and before you know it, you're fixing Netflix and relaxing.
The next thing you know, you're back in an unhealthy relationship because you've been lured into a weak spot.
What to Do When an Ex Contacts You Years Later
It can be confusing when your ex contacts you years later because you don't know what their motives are.
But before you do anything, listen to what they have to say, ask for advice and don't respond.
Here are five things you can do when your ex shows up after years.
#1 Listen to what they have to say
If your ex wasn't an abuser, listen to what he has to say before deciding how to handle the situation.
As mentioned, they may be contacting you just to see how you are doing. If that's the case, a casual conversation won't hurt.
On the other hand, if he calls because he wants to get back together, you should think about it carefully.
#2 Get advice
If you're feeling a little confused and overwhelmed by your ex reaching out to you, talk to a trusted friend or family member.
You are likely to experience a torrent of emotions upon receiving this message; therefore, an objective opinion will help you see things from a different perspective and make the right decision.
#3 No answers
If you've been in an abusive relationship, the best thing to do when your ex contacts you is not to respond.
For strange reasons, exes come into play when we're on the back burner, so it's easy to forget how awful the relationship was and give in to their charms.
When you get the call, email, or text message, you don't have to be polite. ignore this
#4 Don't sabotage your current relationship
Before you have those two-hour-after-midnight conversations with your ex, think about how your current partner will feel.
You've probably already told your partner all about your ex and why you broke up. There is also the possibility that your partner will ask what you would do if your ex reappeared.
If so, remember what you said and keep your word, because fighting back will only cause problems between the two of you.
Also, be sure to let your partner know when your ex contacts you so it doesn't look like you're hiding something.
#5 Reflect on your current life
Your life will likely be a lot different now than it was when you were with your ex. Your mindset has changed and things are not what they used to be.
Is there a place for them if you plan on letting your ex back into your life?
What role will they play? When you're focused and working towards your goals, does your ex become a distraction?
Is it common for exes to get back together years later?
Yes, it's very common for ex-boyfriends to date again years later. In fact,Investigationsuggests that 40-50% of people reconnect with their exes and start a relationship again.
Possible reasons for rekindling the relationship include:sorry for the breakup, the ex is a better couple and they were soul mates.
Here are six common reasons why exes come back years later.
#1 Regretting the breakup
Some couples break up on the spur of the moment for ridiculous reasons. Out of pride, they don't go back right away, move on with their lives and date other people.
But years later, they realize they could have worked out their issues and that the split was a mistake.
By getting to know each other, they have matured and understand what it takes to make a relationship work.
#2 The ex is a better partner
Most people spend their lives looking for perfection in a partner only to realize that perfection doesn't exist.
They bounce from one relationship to another, leaving when they can no longer ignore their partner's flaws.
When they are reunited with their exes years later, they come to the same conclusion and decide to get back together.
#3 They Were Soulmates
Despite their struggles in their relationship, they were soulmates and have never been able to connect so deeply with anyone since their split. It's not one-sided either, they both feel the same.
#4 They are familiar with each other
It's hard to find someone who accepts you as you are. Most people go through lifehiddenParts of their character because they are afraid of being judged.
But some people are lucky enough to meet that one person who accepts everything about themselves. There is no pretentious behavior and they are comfortable with each other.
The relationship might not be the most exciting thing in the world, but after several exciting encounters with people who don't accept them for who they are, they realize that they'd rather be with someone they can be themselves with.
#5 They’ve Never Met Anyone
Although they went on several dates after breaking up with their ex, they never met anyone worth having a serious relationship with.
After years of being single and alone, they decide to get back together with their ex.
#6 They are more mature
one of the most famouscouplesTo break up and get back together was Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
They started dating in 2003 when they were in college. They broke up in 2007 because Prince William thought he was too young to be in such a serious relationship and wanted to enjoy his youth.
However, they got back together and got married in 2011.
last thought
As you've read, it's normal for people to get back together after years apart. However, if you are considering getting back together with your ex, you need to choose wisely.
If the relationship was abusive, it is not advisable to get back together with your ex for your physical and mental safety.
Also, getting back together with your ex because you're single might not be a good idea.
The bottom line is that if you are considering getting back into the relationship, you should think about it carefully.
FAQs
Why would ex contact you after years? ›
Why Do Exes Reach Out Years Later? There are several reasons why ex's reach out years later, including they are just checking up on you, they want to offer a sincere apology, or they are jealous of your happiness.
Why would an ex come back years later? ›What Makes An Ex Come Back? Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.
What to do when ex reaches out after years? ›- Think about how it will affect you. ...
- If you're currently dating someone, you should consider their feelings. ...
- Take your time responding. ...
- Keep your response light. ...
- Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound. ...
- Be open and honest with them.
Probably he wants to feel light and find his mental peace by connecting with you and maybe even arguing with you. When keeping quiet on things becomes tough, this is their preferred way of sailing through the rough phase. Loneliness can be another major reason behind his urge to text you.
Why is my ex checking up on me after years? ›Sometimes your ex checks up on you solely because they want to get some of your sweet, succulent validation, usually in the form of getting confirmation that they're still cared for. They essentially want you to make them feel better about themselves — to feel more worthy, lovable, and like they matter.
Why ex calls you after a long time? ›If they contact you after some time, they might want to rekindle the flame. However, if you have moved on from them and are in a happy and committed relationship, they might not be able to handle that. If you have moved on and are happy with your new partner, you should let them know.
Is it common for exes to get back together years later? ›Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.
Why does an ex bring up the past? ›They bring up the past.
Sullivan explained that an ex reminiscing about the past is usually another sign they're wanting to try things again. Casually mentioning a memory the two of you shared or something you experienced together is their way of reminding you of the good times you had.
The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.
Why cant I let go of my ex after years? ›There are many reasons why people hurt themselves this way. They might feel they have no other place to go. Or they feel they will never find someone so right for them again. Perhaps they choose partners who can never love them the same way in return, and yet can't accept that finality.
Why did my ex message me after 2 years? ›
They Are Just Curious
Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It's good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment.
Yes, it is normal to miss your ex following a breakup. Afterall, you both shared good times together too. Many people seek professional therapy after a breakup to make sense of the loss, and to work on coping better or being more resilient.
Why is my ex suddenly contacting me? ›Another common reason why an ex keeps contacting you could actually be rooted in possessiveness. Though it might not be malicious, your ex might be trying to remain in contact with you because they struggle with the concept letting you go, even after they pulled the plug on your relationship.
How do you know if your ex is interested again? ›The signs that your ex wants you back can be subtle, like enquiring about your well-being from mutual friends, trying to keep in touch without overstepping boundaries, asking for help from you, and being all over your social media. First, however, keep in mind how the relationship ended.
How long is too long contacting ex? ›For a typical breakup, wait at least 30 days to text your ex-girlfriend. According to the famous no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to get in a better headspace and healthily process your feelings.
How do you know if your ex ever thinks about you? ›If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.
Why does my ex want to be friends years later? ›What does it mean when your ex wants to be friends? It may mean they are not over the relationship yet or regret the decision to break up with you. They may also want to be friends because they want to be on good terms with you post-breakup or may need something from you.
Can you still love someone after years apart? ›There are many reasons why relationships end, but it doesn't mean the feelings for that person always end, especially if it was true love. It is completely normal to love an ex still after the relationship is over. For many people, it can be hard to move on from real love.
How often does it work when exes get back together? ›A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.
What percentage of couples get back together years later? ›According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup. To begin with, most people get back together with their ex because they still harbor some feelings for them.
What is an obsessive ex? ›
The personality profile of this obsessive ex is an immature and self-centered individual who, in the relationship, constantly craved or demanded attention and affection. Emotional blackmail — crying, threats of self-harm, inducing guilt — may be used to control a partner during a relationship.
How can you tell if someone still loves their ex? ›They go out of their way to contact them. "If someone makes excuses to reach out or bump into their ex long after the relationship has ended it's likely that they are not over them," Cullins said. "They may be looking for closure or to reconnect, but in either case they are still drawn to their ex."
Why am I suddenly thinking about an old ex? ›Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.
Why do I love my ex who treated me badly? ›We feel they love us even though they treat us badly. This contradiction is known as cognitive dissonance, where we believe two contradictory thoughts at the same time. As a result of the contradiction we can become more extreme in our thoughts and behaviours as we wrestle with the disconnect.
Can time apart fix a relationship? ›Taking time apart can allow you both to think about the issues in your relationship, cool off, learn new coping strategies, and come back together with a different lens or perspective that can be difficult to have when you're together and actively fighting through your issues.
Why am I obsessed with my ex from years ago? ›You may be having these feelings due to something else, such as nostalgia. You may love the person you used to be, or love them for who they were. Other times, you have a personality that makes you obsessed. If you do want your ex back, and the feeling is mutual, then perhaps it's time to get back together.
How do you know your ex isn't over you? ›Is your ex persistently reaching out, asking for help, or just generally trying to maintain contact? According to Page, this is a good indicator that they're not over you. "They may be over you in terms of the romantic relationship," he adds, "but still need and want all the things you can give them."
Is it normal to still love your ex after 10 years? ›Is it normal to love ex after years? There are many reasons why relationships end, but it doesn't mean the feelings for that person always end, especially if it was true love. It is completely normal to love an ex still after the relationship is over. For many people, it can be hard to move on from real love.
Is it normal to miss an ex after 7 years? ›"If it's been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK," he says. "But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex."
Do exes think about you years later? ›If it has been years, the odds are less that your ex thinks about you than if it has only been days, weeks, or months. If you two have been out of the relationship you had for a long period of time, the odds that they think about you often, other than a passing moment here or there, is slim.
Do men miss their ex after years? ›
Yes, guys miss their ex after a breakup. Who doesn't? Unless he was never emotionally attached to his ex, it's hardly impossible for a guy not to miss his ex. Relationships are full of memories, events, feelings, emotions, happiness, disagreements, and everything in life.
Why is ex trying to contact me? ›Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their loneliness.
Why do I have a strong urge to contact my ex? ›That burning desire to text an ex or old flame doesn't necessarily mean you still want them (though it might!), but it likely means that you're, well, curious about their life or their family or their potential lingering interest in you.
How do you deal with an ex who won't stop contacting you? ›- ASK them to stop – politely but firmly. ...
- AGREE a method of communicating about the important issues e.g. children's arrangements. ...
- IGNORE all other communication. ...
- DON'T ENGAGE Do not get sucked into what your ex is saying.
- Communication Dwindles. Relationships are built on interactions, and if you're not in touch in one way or another — in person, on the phone, or elsewhere — there's not really a relationship. ...
- Interactions Become Less Fun. ...
- Interactions Become Less Awkward. ...
- They Get Serious With Someone Else.
You feel the strong energy around you
One simple way to know that he misses you during the no contact phase is that you feel it within you. It could come as a sudden thought about them, the longing to reconnect, or just wishful thinking about how things could have turned out differently.
- 1) They totally disappear after breaking up with you. ...
- 3) Want advice specific to your situation? ...
- 5) They don't ask anything about your personal life. ...
- 7) They've changed for the better. ...
- 10) They return all your stuff. ...
- 12) They're finding happiness in new things.
The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.
Is it okay to talk to your ex after years? ›If you and your ex cut all ties, even mutual friends, and many months have passed and you're truly clueless as to what's going on in their life, then it's OK to send a casual text asking them how they are. But only if it's out of genuine concern and not because you want to start something back up again... or gloat.
What to say to an ex after years of no contact? ›
I hope you're doing well. It's been a while since we talked. Tell me about what you've been doing in the last couple of weeks.” This neutral response doesn't set up any expectations and gives you some time to converse, feel things out, and then decide based on how you feel.
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about an ex years later? ›Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.
Why is your ex contacting you? ›Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their loneliness.
What goes on in a man's mind during no contact? ›The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.
Will my toxic ex miss me? ›Your ex probably won't miss you if your relationship was short (1-3 months), a rebound, or strewn with toxicity (i.e., cheating, lying, abuse). That said, walking away and letting them go still gives you the best chance of making them miss you. But here's the catch: your ex missing you doesn't really matter.