Ex-boyfriends often get in touch after 5, 10 or even 20 years. They are curious about the ex they lost contact with, so they try to reconnect and learn more about their ex's new life. sometimes they are easyI want to know how your ex is doingbecause they have been thinking about their ex a lot and sometimes want to know if their ex is ready to get back together and reconnect emotionally.
Figuring out what they want isn't too difficult because most of the time they will voluntarily tell you. They'll say, "I want to be friends because I miss you, or because I'm bored, or because I want to see if you want to give us another chance."
You should be careful with words like "I miss you" and "I love you" because these words rarely mean what you think they mean.
Most of the time, they indicate that something emotional is going on with your ex and you need to figure out what it is so as not to get yourself into a bad situation again and get used to emotional support.
If your ex left you and it's been about 5 years since you've heard from them, the first thing to do is find out why your ex is reaching out. Not only does this keep you from getting used to and hurting you, but it also helps you understand what's going on in your ex's life and what he expects from you.
Of course, if he or she is expecting a friendship and you're not ready or interested in it, you shouldn't accept it.make friends with your exIf you don't have much or no respect for your ex, that wouldn't be the most adult thing to do because you would be going against your principles.
You would cave to the idea of being polite and letting your ex get away with it. Care must always be taken with aEx returns to her life years laterbecause there is a reason why he or she is reaching out. And that reason might have something to do with life not going the way he imagined.
Something can cause your ex a lot of fear and pain. And you need to get to the bottom of it so you don't go back into a relationship and get taken advantage of. This time you want to be smarter. Especially if your ex dumped you and treated you horribly afterwards.
In this case, you should try to find out if something bad happened to your ex that inspired you to apologize and ask for forgiveness.
Today we are going to talk about the steps you should take if your ex contacts you after 5 years or more.
there are many reasonsWhy do exes contact you out of the blue?after 5 years. We'll try to cover as much as possible so you can identify the reasons why your ex is contacting you.
That said, the most likely explanation for your ex contacting you is that he was curious about you. He or she has spent a lot of time thinking about you and has shown interest in getting in touch with you. And when enough interest finally arose, your ex decided to get in touch with you and find out what you've been up to all these years. Your ex wanted to know if you are happy and if you found that special someone to share your happiness with.
Curiosity often leads people, years later, to contact their ex-boyfriends. It starts with some thoughts of ex-boyfriends, but these thoughts gradually turn into a desire to understand what is going on with the person they used to be very close with.
Understanding their ex's life eases their burning need for information about their ex and allows them to focus on themselves and move on. This explains why so many people (especially dumpers) disappear after reporting. They receive information (empowerment) from their ex, then quickly become bored and no longer feel the need to continue communicating.
Another possible reason why your ex contacted you after 5 years is that something went wrong in your ex's life. Something or someone hurt your ex, lowered your self-esteem and pride, and forced your ex to turn to you for protection and comfort.
Since you were close with your ex not too long ago, he still considered you trustworthy. He thought and hoped that you would provide protection and support until he recovered and felt better.
Of course, your ex didn't think about what he would do to you once he was healed. When your ex reached out, he was only focused on the present moment and just wanted your understanding, validation, encouragement, and compassion.
He or she needed these things so that life (especially health and well-being) could go back to the way it was before you got hurt and sought support.
If your ex needs your help with something, he won't necessarily tell you directly. He or she may be seeking your approval and support indirectly by sending you mixed and hopeful messages, also known asbread crumbs.
An example of breadcrumbs might be messages like:
- Miss you
- I think about you
- Our relationship was special.
- i really care about you
- you are very important to me
- you are the best
These words are usually a mixture of projection and deceit, something a person says when they are in pain and want to calm down. You need to keep them out of your heart so you don't give up just because your ex is struggling.
Also, sometimes people contact their ex simply because they are bored. They have no one to talk to and don't know what to do with themselves so they look for an ex that they respect at least to some extent because that person can keep them busy until they find something better. to do.
Essentially, your ex is your temporary source of entertainment and a distraction that allows you to get engaged.
Therefore, when your ex is bored, you should know that he will only talk to you when it is convenient for him.
Would your ex talk to you if he or she:
- alone or without people to talk to
- wait in line
- Waiting for friends/partners
- on a bus
- during a break from work/school
- sick at home
When ex-boyfriends have enough time to think things over, they reach out to you and kill the boredom. They sign up because they're tired of wasting time and want to do something fun. When your ex does this, it's obvious that you're not his top priority anymore because it's been 5 years since you've heard from him.
You weren't important to your ex, so you probably aren't very important now either.
Another possible explanation for why your ex is suddenly texting or calling you is that he finally feels guilty about what he did to you. It is possible that yourEx got hit by karmaand/or that he is finally sorry for treating you badly/unfairly.
You see, guilt doesn't always show up right after the breakup, when emotions are running high. Sometimes it happens much later when the shooter becomes involved with someone who is impulsive and vindictive and reminds the shooter of his past behavior.
The shooter then tries to assuage his guilt by turning to the shooter. Sometimes this happens after a few weeks and sometimes years later. It is impossible to predict when a person will encounter an obstacle in life and think about it.
But in general, the more underdeveloped a person is, or vice versa, the more confident he is, the more likely he is to upset the wrong person, start feeling sorry for himself, and resort to foolishness to apologize directly or indirectly. . to get recognition.
We should also mention that some exes are just looking for sex. They are running out of sex partners so they turn to past people to spice up their sex life. These people usually start flirting with their ex soon after contacting them and ask to meet in the evening when it is more convenient for them.
While exes get to know each other and can quickly reconnect if they choose, always remember that 5 years is a long time and there is a time and place to flirt and sleep together. This time it is not immediately after contact. Eventually, the exes figure out where they are and what they want.
With that said, here are some reasons why your ex contacted you after 5 years.
Should I get back together with my ex after 5 years?
People change and grow over time, so keep in mind that your ex may have grown up a bit. How much he has really grown depends on the experiences, lessons and self-reflections he has gone through.
The more work your ex does on himself, the greater the chances that something good can come out of the relationship if you give him another chance.
To understand how much your ex has improved, you should try to learn more about his mindset. Ask your ex a lot of post-breakup discovery questions and see if he has grown up or not.
Once you feel like your ex has grown beyond the old self, you need to find out if he respects you and has come back to you. Sometimes fools turn their backs on romantic rejection and pain, so they don't necessarily go back to their exes. They go back to using their exes to ease their anxiety and mend their broken hearts.
This is something to be aware of and avoid at all costs. Before getting back together with your ex, consider whether he is hurting and needs to reconnect with you to put that pain away. You can do this by simply talking to your ex about the weird things that happened before they were revealed to you.
Your ex may not tell you everything at first, but try to encourage them to open up anyway. Make him feel safe about sharing difficult things with you, and then decide if getting back together with your ex is the right thing to do.
I can't decide if it's for you because I don't know your ex. All I can do is dissuade you if your ex has recently left and you are heartbroken or if your relationship with your ex has been unhealthy and unfulfilling.
Whatever you do, don't rush to get back into a relationship with your ex as soon as you get the chance. You need to take it slow so that you can get to know your ex again and see what or who made your ex come to you.
There is a reason for every action and inaction. Find that reason before venturing into the unknown with your ex.
Here are my tips on what to do when your ex contacts you after 5 years.
Whether it's been 5 years or 20 years since you last heard from your ex, remember that just getting back together with your ex won't make you have a fairy tale relationship. To have a successful relationship, both of you need to work on yourselves individually and as a couple.
That way, you can work out your differences and make sure the relationship doesn't go down the same path as before.
So, again, be smart. You don't have to get back together with an ex just because it's you.ex wants you back. You can simply take the time to get to know your ex and make a logical decision that makes the most sense for you. Of course, when you're in a relationship with someone, you don't leave your partner to be with your ex.
You may have feelings for your ex, but those feelings don't necessarily come from a healthy place. They likely come from a place of rejection (hit ego and low self-esteem).
Your ex contacted you after 5 years and you wonder why he contacted you? Post your thoughts and questions in the comments below.
Or if you want to talk to us about your ex's breadcrumb, get in touchHere.
- My ex contacted me after 10 years.
- I can't get over my ex after 5 years.
- Why do I still think about my ex after 10 years?
- Should I talk to my ex after 2 years?
Why is my ex messaging me after 5 years? ›
They Are Just Curious. Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It's good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment.What to do when ex reaches out after years? ›
- Think about how it will affect you. ...
- If you're currently dating someone, you should consider their feelings. ...
- Take your time responding. ...
- Keep your response light. ...
- Don't rush into a response, friendship, or rebound. ...
- Be open and honest with them.
Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their loneliness.
- Talk about it with people you trust — or strangers you'll never see again. ...
- Make plans. ...
- Get a hobby. ...
- Make a breakup playlist. ...
- Sign up for a few dating apps — or try dating without them. ...
- Work through it with a therapist. ...
- Stop texting your ex. ...
- Know that it takes time to move on.
Probably he wants to feel light and find his mental peace by connecting with you and maybe even arguing with you. When keeping quiet on things becomes tough, this is their preferred way of sailing through the rough phase. Loneliness can be another major reason behind his urge to text you.When should you cut off communication with your ex? ›
The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.Do exes get back together after years? ›
Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.Why would an ex want to meet up after years? ›
He misses you
If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it's likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. You are in a prime position if this is the case. Missing you is the first step to getting him back.
For a typical breakup, wait at least 30 days to text your ex-girlfriend. According to the famous no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to get in a better headspace and healthily process your feelings.Why does an old flame contacts you? ›
Most people who wish to reconnect with an old “boy or girlfriend” lost are genuine and for a sincere reason. Wishing to restore at least a friendship and to remain that way – that's why an old flame decides to contact you in most cases.
How do you deal with an ex who keeps texting you? ›
Let them know if you think texting each other is unhealthy.
Tell them directly that you aren't interested in talking anymore so that they will get the message and stop texting for good. Alternatively, try something like, "It's too hard for me to keep talking. I'm sorry if this hurts, but please stop texting me."
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.What is the five year itch? ›
Scientists have discovered that couples begin to grow fed up with each other after just four years and are at peak risk of divorce just before their fifth anniversary.Is it normal to not be over your ex after 5 years? ›
"If it's been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK," he says. "But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex."How long did it take to get over a 5 year relationship? ›
"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...Why do I have such a strong urge to text my ex? ›
That burning desire to text an ex or old flame doesn't necessarily mean you still want them (though it might!), but it likely means that you're, well, curious about their life or their family or their potential lingering interest in you.What happens when you don't reply to your ex? ›
So, when you actively choose not to respond to your ex, you're taking away their behavioral freedom of being able to talk to you. Their mind makes them think about talking to you even more, and they will thus try to get you to talk to them again; however, they can.How do you know if your ex still loves you? ›
- They keep texting or calling you. ...
- They follow you on social media. ...
- They don't return your stuff. ...
- They contact your friends, or their friends contact you. ...
- They cross your path. ...
- They get jealous or want to make you feel jealous. ...
- They are not moving on.
Silence speaks volumes
The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.
There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.
Is it better to mute your ex? ›
1. Unfollow or Mute Your Ex. When you're getting over a breakup, it will help if your ex is out of sight and out of mind. If you keep seeing pictures they're posting, it might make you think about them more than you already are.Can breaking up strengthen a relationship? ›
Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.How many times do Exs get back together? ›
How many exes get back together. According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup.How many exes get back together and stay together? ›
A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.How do you react when you meet your ex after a long time? ›
Don't try to recap every detail that happened since your break-up. Focus on small talk or other easy-going conversation topics. Focus on asking how their day has been, or how they are doing generally. If your ex asks the same, then focus on topics that are light and friendly.Why would an ex want to stay friends? ›
There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility (i.e., I want this breakup to hurt less than it will otherwise), for reasons relating to unresolved romantic desires (I want to see other people but keep you ...How do you know if your ex is serious about wanting you back? ›
- They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
- They Keep You Updated. ...
- They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
- They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
- They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
- They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
- They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
The male mind during no contact
The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.
The researchers point out that the findings align with the reality that about 50 percent of separated couples get back together again. The researchers also note that a breakup is often harder on the person doing it because of the doubt that lingers in the decision.What does he think during no contact? ›
“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.
Do old loves come back? ›
Surprisingly, it does. Rekindled love can be a lot more than just a bout of passion and reminiscence. Research has shown that a whopping 71% believed that rekindled reunions were the most intense relationship of their lives. And this was reflected in their success rate of staying together – 78%.Do men think about old flames? ›
Some 21 percent have said that they are secretly planning a reunion with their first lover - and men are most likely to carry a torch for an old flame, with 24 percent admitting they still lust after an ex. But it isn't just men.Why does an old flame come back? ›
Old flames often rekindle, she theorizes, because a physical, chemical imprinting occurs when we meet our first love. It typically happens when we are young and impressionable. "What we find is that once those emotional memories get started, those feelings are strong and resilient," Kalish says.Should I resist the urge to text my ex? ›
Don't text your ex the moment you have the thought or the urge. Instead, go do something else to distract yourself, and see if in 30 minutes you still have the urge to text them. Watch a movie, take a bath, go to a workout class, whatever feels good for you, and leave your phone out of reach.How do you respond when he finally reaches out? ›
- 1 Wait a few minutes before you text him back.
- 2 Ask him what happened if he hasn't explained yet.
- 3 Let him know you don't tolerate ghosting.
- 4 Give him another chance if he seems sorry.
- 5 Move on if he's stringing you along.
It's also the chemical that spurs your brain's "reward system." When activated, it encourages you to seek out stimuli that makes that euphoric over and over again. These neurochemical reactions will into play if you're still in love with your ex and they reach out via a text.Will my toxic ex miss me? ›
Your ex probably won't miss you if your relationship was short (1-3 months), a rebound, or strewn with toxicity (i.e., cheating, lying, abuse). That said, walking away and letting them go still gives you the best chance of making them miss you. But here's the catch: your ex missing you doesn't really matter.How do you get your ex out of your head? ›
- Distract yourself so you're literally too busy to even think about them. ...
- Establish some boundaries with yourself. ...
- Give yourself some time to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or literally whatever. ...
- Understand that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that's okay. ...
- Indulge in alllll the self care.
When months, or even years, have passed and the memory of a past romantic rejection still stings, it may be because you believe the breakup revealed something about who you are as a person. “I'm difficult.” “I'm too structured.”What is the hardest year in a relationship? ›
The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery. The discovery of your partner's imperfections and your imperfections as well.
What is the 7-year rule relationships? ›
The 7-Year Itch is the idea that marriages start to decline or end in divorce around the seven-year mark due to boredom or even unhappiness. Either one or both partners can feel the 7-Year Itch and can be produced by several different factors, including: Lack of communication.What year is the hardest in marriage? ›
According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.Why cant I let go of my ex after years? ›
There are many reasons why people hurt themselves this way. They might feel they have no other place to go. Or they feel they will never find someone so right for them again. Perhaps they choose partners who can never love them the same way in return, and yet can't accept that finality.What to do if you still love your ex after years? ›
- Cut off all communication (Both direct and indirect) For the sake of your physical and mental health, this is the first thing you've got to do. ...
- Forgive the past. ...
- Let's get real. ...
- Understand that it's natural to still love your ex. ...
- Don't forget to love you.
- Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you're now deciding to detach from the relationship. ...
- Release your emotions. ...
- Don't react, respond. ...
- Start small. ...
- Keep a journal. ...
- Meditate. ...
- Be patient with yourself. ...
- Look forward.
A breakup isn't always the end of the road. In fact, a hefty 60 percent of couples report getting back together again, per (opens in new tab)Psychology Today (opens in new tab).Why would an ex come back years later? ›
What Makes An Ex Come Back? Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.Why am I thinking of my ex from 5 years ago? ›
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.Why is my ex texting me all of a sudden? ›
So, what's the real reason behind your ex texting you? “The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you,” psychologist Samantha Rodman explained to Huffington Post.Why do men go back to their exes? ›
Many guys admit that they want their ex back because new relationships are different than what they're used to. They crave the comfort of familiarity. Being with someone offers security. Some men miss having someone in their life who they can always count on when they need support.
Do some exes come back after years? ›
Therefore, a reunion after years is not uncommon. Life goes on for such people. They love again, develop romantic feelings again, become intimate with other partners again and again, but something keeps the desire to get their ex back strong.How do you know if your ex is thinking about you? ›
If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.Is it normal to still think about your ex after 6 years? ›
You may think about your ex occasionally for the rest of your life. So it's completely normal if the thought of your ex pops up in your head occasionally. But if you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex or even obsessing over your ex, then it's a cause of concern.Is it normal to miss your ex after 6 years? ›
"If it's been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK," he says. "But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex."