My ex contacted me after 5 years. What do I have to do? - Success Magnet (2023)

FAQs

Why is my ex messaging me after 5 years? ›

They Are Just Curious. Being curious about you, your dating life, or your life, in general, could also be a reason why your ex is texting you. This could happen a few months or years after you have broken up. It's good to be in a place where you both are curious about each other without having any attachment.

Loneliness

Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their loneliness.

Probably he wants to feel light and find his mental peace by connecting with you and maybe even arguing with you. When keeping quiet on things becomes tough, this is their preferred way of sailing through the rough phase. Loneliness can be another major reason behind his urge to text you.

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.

He misses you

If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it's likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. You are in a prime position if this is the case. Missing you is the first step to getting him back.

For a typical breakup, wait at least 30 days to text your ex-girlfriend. According to the famous no contact rule, 30 days is enough time for both of you to get in a better headspace and healthily process your feelings.

Most people who wish to reconnect with an old “boy or girlfriend” lost are genuine and for a sincere reason. Wishing to restore at least a friendship and to remain that way – that's why an old flame decides to contact you in most cases.

How do you deal with an ex who keeps texting you? ›

Let them know if you think texting each other is unhealthy.

Tell them directly that you aren't interested in talking anymore so that they will get the message and stop texting for good. Alternatively, try something like, "It's too hard for me to keep talking. I'm sorry if this hurts, but please stop texting me."

Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.

Scientists have discovered that couples begin to grow fed up with each other after just four years and are at peak risk of divorce just before their fifth anniversary.

"If it's been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK," he says. "But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex."

"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

That burning desire to text an ex or old flame doesn't necessarily mean you still want them (though it might!), but it likely means that you're, well, curious about their life or their family or their potential lingering interest in you.

So, when you actively choose not to respond to your ex, you're taking away their behavioral freedom of being able to talk to you. Their mind makes them think about talking to you even more, and they will thus try to get you to talk to them again; however, they can.

Silence speaks volumes

The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

Is it better to mute your ex? ›

1. Unfollow or Mute Your Ex. When you're getting over a breakup, it will help if your ex is out of sight and out of mind. If you keep seeing pictures they're posting, it might make you think about them more than you already are.

Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.

How many exes get back together. According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup.

A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.

Don't try to recap every detail that happened since your break-up. Focus on small talk or other easy-going conversation topics. Focus on asking how their day has been, or how they are doing generally. If your ex asks the same, then focus on topics that are light and friendly.

There are four main reasons, Rebecca Griffith and her colleagues found, why exes feel compelled to maintain a friendship or to suggest doing so: for civility (i.e., I want this breakup to hurt less than it will otherwise), for reasons relating to unresolved romantic desires (I want to see other people but keep you ...

The male mind during no contact

The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

The researchers point out that the findings align with the reality that about 50 percent of separated couples get back together again. The researchers also note that a breakup is often harder on the person doing it because of the doubt that lingers in the decision.

“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.

Do old loves come back? ›

Surprisingly, it does. Rekindled love can be a lot more than just a bout of passion and reminiscence. Research has shown that a whopping 71% believed that rekindled reunions were the most intense relationship of their lives. And this was reflected in their success rate of staying together – 78%.

Some 21 percent have said that they are secretly planning a reunion with their first lover - and men are most likely to carry a torch for an old flame, with 24 percent admitting they still lust after an ex. But it isn't just men.

Old flames often rekindle, she theorizes, because a physical, chemical imprinting occurs when we meet our first love. It typically happens when we are young and impressionable. "What we find is that once those emotional memories get started, those feelings are strong and resilient," Kalish says.

Don't text your ex the moment you have the thought or the urge. Instead, go do something else to distract yourself, and see if in 30 minutes you still have the urge to text them. Watch a movie, take a bath, go to a workout class, whatever feels good for you, and leave your phone out of reach.

It's also the chemical that spurs your brain's "reward system." When activated, it encourages you to seek out stimuli that makes that euphoric over and over again. These neurochemical reactions will into play if you're still in love with your ex and they reach out via a text.

Your ex probably won't miss you if your relationship was short (1-3 months), a rebound, or strewn with toxicity (i.e., cheating, lying, abuse). That said, walking away and letting them go still gives you the best chance of making them miss you. But here's the catch: your ex missing you doesn't really matter.

When months, or even years, have passed and the memory of a past romantic rejection still stings, it may be because you believe the breakup revealed something about who you are as a person. “I'm difficult.” “I'm too structured.”

The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery. The discovery of your partner's imperfections and your imperfections as well.

What is the 7-year rule relationships? ›

The 7-Year Itch is the idea that marriages start to decline or end in divorce around the seven-year mark due to boredom or even unhappiness. Either one or both partners can feel the 7-Year Itch and can be produced by several different factors, including: Lack of communication.

According to relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, as it turns out, the first year really is the hardest—even if you've already lived together. In fact, it often doesn't matter if you've been together for multiple years, the start of married life is still tricky.

There are many reasons why people hurt themselves this way. They might feel they have no other place to go. Or they feel they will never find someone so right for them again. Perhaps they choose partners who can never love them the same way in return, and yet can't accept that finality.

A breakup isn't always the end of the road. In fact, a hefty 60 percent of couples report getting back together again, per (opens in new tab)Psychology Today (opens in new tab).

What Makes An Ex Come Back? Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.

Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.

So, what's the real reason behind your ex texting you? “The likeliest possibility is that they are reflecting about the relationship and are missing you,” psychologist Samantha Rodman explained to Huffington Post.

Many guys admit that they want their ex back because new relationships are different than what they're used to. They crave the comfort of familiarity. Being with someone offers security. Some men miss having someone in their life who they can always count on when they need support.

Do some exes come back after years? ›

Therefore, a reunion after years is not uncommon. Life goes on for such people. They love again, develop romantic feelings again, become intimate with other partners again and again, but something keeps the desire to get their ex back strong.

If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.

You may think about your ex occasionally for the rest of your life. So it's completely normal if the thought of your ex pops up in your head occasionally. But if you find yourself constantly thinking about your ex or even obsessing over your ex, then it's a cause of concern.

"If it's been years [since your breakup], that is totally OK," he says. "But [the feeling of missing your ex] definitely is reflective of powerful meaning, that I would encourage you to utilize. A therapist can help you work through the messages that may be hiding beneath the feeling of longing for your ex."