Are the ex-boyfriends back? What do the statistics say? - Psychomechanics (2023)

Relationships are a huge investment of time and energy. It's easy to fall in love with someone, but there are many factors that come into play when you want to be in a relationship with them. It will be an important decision and many factors will have to be weighed.

When a relationship ends, it's a great loss, especially if the relationship was good. Rather than putting the time and effort into finding a new partner, it's understandable that sometimes people would rather get back together with their ex.

Do ex-boyfriends come back weeks, months, or even years after the breakup?Relationships?

The short answer is most of them (about 70%) don't, but it depends.

It depends on many things. If you've read this article, you'll have a rough idea of ​​the likelihood of your ex getting back.

But first, let's look at some factual statistics. If you're like me and like numbers, you'll want to know how often ex-boyfriends come back. While every relationship is unique, looking at these stats will give you a rough idea of ​​your chances.

Summary stats on ex boyfriends getting back together

I combined data from several large-scale surveys on the subject, surveying thousands of participants. I've eliminated all the fluff and unnecessary details so you can get straight to the point.

Here are some interesting and notable stats on how to get back with an ex:

people, whothink about your extoo much71%
Ready to get back together with your ex after he left60%
people who really don'tget back together70%
They got back together but broke up again14%
I came back and we stayed together15%
Men who regret the breakup45%
Women who regret the breakup30%

According to a survey, the following are things people are willing to overlook when considering getting back together with an ex:

Übermäßiger Konsum von Drogen oder Alkohol69%
I caught her lying63%
financial instability60%
I caught her cheating57%

Here are thingscan notTo overlook when considering getting back with an ex:

I no longer find her attractive70%
They were physically violent towards me.67%
They no longer found me attractive57%
we have differentlong-term goals54%

Factors contributing to the success of the resume:

  • be 50 years or older
  • length and quality of previous relationship
  • Gets back together six months after split.
  • personal growth
  • commitment level
  • attraction

Make sense of data

Many people think about getting back together with their ex. We will come to the reasons for this later, but the main thing is that it is difficult to find a new relationship. When people think of dating, they think of their ex because it's an easier and more affordable option.

Young men with raging hormones are in and out of relationships all the time. Their partner value is high and they know they can attract many potential partners. You have energy and time to invest in new relationships.

Older people, however, are under energy and time pressure. So if they choose to get back together with an ex, they are more likely to stay in the relationship. This explains why people over 50 are much more likely to get their ex back.

The length and quality of the previous relationship are strong predictors of ex-boyfriends returning. Again, it's easier to lean on something that has worked in the past than it is to make an effort to find a new relationship.

The fact that people don't want to ignore the loss of attraction when thinking about getting back together with their ex shows how important attraction is in a relationship. If people are attracted to your ex, they may be ready to move on.lying, cheating and even drug addiction.

This shows how much the mind values ​​procreation with a potentially attractive mate and is willing to make great sacrifices to achieve that goal.

Since women are more selective than men when it comes to choosing a partner, they often separate for good reasons. Since their overall mate value is higher than that of men, they can easily find a new mate. As a result, they are less likely to regret the breakup than men.

Why do ex-boyfriends come back?

Aside from finding a new partner, which is a significant investment of time and energy, the reasons ex-boyfriends keep coming back include:

1. Residual Feelings

If your ex still has some residual feelings for you and isn't completely gone, chances are he'll get back.1

2. Familiarity and comfort

Humans are naturally averse to the unknown and inconvenience. It's easier to be with someone you know and are comfortable with than starting a new relationship with a stranger.

3. Emotional support and others

When a relationship ends, it becomes more difficult for a person to face life's challenges. Your ex can come back to you for emotional support ifreached a low pointIn your life.

Your ex may also come back to fulfill your other needs like physical intimacy, a place to stay, or companionship. If so, they can drop you off again when your needs are met.

4. Failed relationships

After breaking up with you and starting a series of new relationships, your ex may realize that you're the right person for them. They will regret breaking up with you and coming back.

People can't resist comparing their new relationships to their old ones. It helps us learn from our mistakes and make better decisions.

5. Self Improvement

Self-improvement is the number one factor that helps exes get back together. Because when there is a separation, it often has to do with the lack of personal development of one or both partners.

Once this issue is resolved, the reason for the disconnection will disappear. There's nothing stopping ex-boyfriends from giving you another chance.

If your partner's value increases significantly during the post-breakup period, your ex may want to get back together.

For example, if you're a man, you're getting a promotion at work, or you've lost weight and are in good shape if you're a woman.

Of course, the overall value of mate depends on many other things. This is just a simple example.

6. They broke up for a stupid reason

Your ex might come back when he realizes he's gone for a minor, silly reason, like B. broke up with you out of anger or a fight. If the relationship was good overall, a little argument shouldn't destroy the whole relationship.

7. Want what you can't have

People tend to take the things they have for granted and think thatthe grass is greenerOn the other hand. It's possible that now that they broke up, they want you back because of this.

8. You are jealous

If you're in a new relationship and you're happy, chances are your ex won't take it well if they still have feelings for you. They might try to sabotage their current relationship by asking to get back together.

If you're feeling ambivalent and confused, chances are you also have lingering feelings for her. If you were sure about your new partner, you wouldn't pay attention to your ex trying to get back together with you.

Increase the chances of your ex getting back

If you improve andGo straight on, put yourself in the best possible position to get your ex back. What you don't want to do is ask your ex to come back to you. This "low partner score" behavior almost guarantees that your ex won't come back.

If you want your ex back, you have to give them a good reason for it. They must think of you as a worthwhile option. If they broke up because of your fault, it would help if you showed them that you've changed.

communication is everything

If your ex keeps you in their life, that's the biggest sign they can come back. However, not always. Sometimes ex-boyfriends show up in your life after months or years without contact.

There are a number of reasons people keep their ex-boyfriends in their lives, from "it's the right thing to do" and "want to stay friends" to "keep options open."2

If your ex kept you in their life because they wanted to keep their options open, they will likely come back to you if your new relationships don't work out.

They will keep lines of communication open with you. If they're flirting with you at this stage, it's a sign that they still see you as a potential partner.

If they really just want to be friends, they won't flirt.

When your ex has closed all lines of communication with you, that is a strong sign that he is through with you. When they delete your number and block yousocial media, they are unlikely to return. They don't want anything to do with you.

Disadvantages of getting your ex back

As they say, relationships are like paper. Once you crush a paper into a ball, it will never go back to its original shape no matter how many times you pass it.

Studies show that couples who break up and get back together are more likely to have conflicts, including serious arguments involving verbal and physical abuse.3

In addition, separation and reunion leads to increased psychological distress when couples get stuck in a pattern of separation and reunion.4

The more you break up and get back together, the less surrendering you become to your partner and the more insecure you feel about the future of the relationship.5

That doesn't mean that all recurring relationships are doomed to fail. When an ex comes back to be with you, you need to make sure they're coming back for the right reasons.


  1. Dailey, R.M., Jin, B., Pfiester, A. & Beck, G. (2011). On-Off Dating Relationships: What Keeps Couples Coming BackThe Journal of Social Psychology.,151(4), 417-440.
  2. Griffith, R.L., Gillath, O., Zhao, X., & Martinez, R. (2017). Remaining Friends with Former Romantic Partners: Predictors, Reasons, and Outcomes.Personal relationships,24(3), 550-584.
  3. Halpern-Meekin, S., Manning, W.D., Giordano, PC. & Longmore, MA (2013). Mixed relationships, physical violence and verbal abuse in relationships between young adults.Marriage and Family Magazine,75(1), 2-12.
  4. Mönch JK, Ogolsky BG, & Oswald RF. (2018). Leaving and returning: the relationship cycle and hardship in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships,67(4), 523-538.
  5. Dailey, R.M., Rossetto, KR., Pfiester, A. & Surra, CA (2009). A Qualitative Analysis of On-Off Romantic Relationships: "It's ups and downs all over the place."Magazine for social and personal relationships,26(4), 443-466.

Hanan Parvez(Author)

Hello, I'm Hanan Parvez (MBA, MA Psychology), founder and author of PsychMechanics. PsychMechanics was introduced inForbes,Business Insider,Reader's Summary, Ofentrepreneur.


What are the statistics of getting back with your ex? ›

The results showed just 15% of people actually won their ex back, while 14% got back together just to break up again, and 70% never reconnected at all. But although it sounds like a small number, a few success stories showed how it is possible to work things out if you put the time and effort in.

What percentage of ex boyfriends come back? ›

Experts Say 40% Of Exes Come Back After a Breakup.

Do ex boyfriends usually come back? ›

Yes, exes do come back. They do it all time. We conducted a study and found that around 30% of people get their exes back after a breakup. But out of those 30%, only 15% stay together in a healthy relationship.

What makes a man go back to his ex? ›

Many guys admit that they want their ex back because new relationships are different than what they're used to. They crave the comfort of familiarity. Being with someone offers security. Some men miss having someone in their life who they can always count on when they need support.

How long do ex usually come back? ›

We conducted a study on people who get their ex back and keep them and we found that most people who get their ex back and stay with their ex, took at least one month to get back together. In most cases, people reconciled within 1-6 months of breaking up.

Does your ex remember you? ›

No, they won't forget about you. They will never forget about you if you don't get back together. You created memories together, and while they might become a little vague over time, chances are they will never totally get you out of their mind.

How do you know if your ex will give you another chance? ›

Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back
  • 1 They leave your number unblocked.
  • 2 They're sad weeks after the breakup.
  • 3 They're active on your social media.
  • 4 They haven't returned your things.
  • 5 They keep in touch with your friends and family.
  • 6 They initiate contact regularly.
  • 7 They reminisce about the past.

How often do guys come back after break up? ›

What percentage of guys go back to their ex? While this may seem unusual, the pattern of returning to an ex-partner is actually quite common. By some estimates, 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship (Dailey et al., 2009).

Will he come back after no contact? ›

Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend much time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.

How often do exes fall back in love? ›

Key points. Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.

Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›

Yes, an ex misses you during No Contact. They miss you because they no longer have what they used to have. Your ex misses you even though you don't talk because they have time to adjust to your absence. This will help them reflect and miss you more.

Do guys miss their ex after a breakup? ›

Yes, guys miss their ex after a breakup. Who doesn't? Unless he was never emotionally attached to his ex, it's hardly impossible for a guy not to miss his ex. Relationships are full of memories, events, feelings, emotions, happiness, disagreements, and everything in life.

Do guys get over their ex easily? ›

Because according to a study which began back in 2000, and assessed the emotional state of 2,000 divorced men and women once before revisiting them anywhere between 6 and 9 years later, men don't tend to properly get over their past significant relationships.

Why do breakups hit guys later? ›

Men may sometimes blame others more and not fully accept their own shortcomings. Studies have found that men tend to deny their mistakes, minimize their faults, and blame their partners for the breakups. This leads to them spending the first few weeks of a breakup angry at their partner.

Do guys ever realize what they lost? ›

Guys realize what they lost when they finally slow down and learn some humility. Every man is on a hero's journey at some point in their life. They think their goals are what really matter. But at some point, sooner or later, a man will learn that the purpose of his goals is to contribute back to society.

How do you know if he's not coming back? ›

19 Signs He Will Never Come Back
  • It Ended Terribly. Some relationships end in a way that makes it impossible to patch up. ...
  • One or Both of You Said irrevocable Things. ...
  • It Was an Inevitability. ...
  • He's Not the Same Person. ...
  • You're Not the Same Person. ...
  • His Track Record Isn't Promising. ...
  • He Ignores You. ...
  • He Blocks You on Social Media.
Apr 19, 2022

How to make your ex miss you? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022

How do you know if your ex misses you psychology? ›

There are a few practical signs that your ex misses you, like if they tend to keep popping up in your life or you notice them liking your social media posts. Those are the biggest indicators, but it's best to be straightforward and ask someone if you want to know how they're feeling.

How do you know if your ex doesn't miss you? ›

15 painful signs he doesn't miss you
  1. You always start the conversation.
  2. He doesn't check how you are.
  3. He's busy all the time.
  4. He seems to be distracted when you're together.
  5. He doesn't give genuine excuses.
  6. Long-drawn-out responses to your phone calls or messages.
  7. He is unresponsive to your phone calls or messages.
Jul 4, 2022

How do I know he still thinks about me? ›

If he wants to know more about you, it's likely that he's been thinking about you. He may also ask you questions or get your opinion about something to see what you think, which is another major clue that you're often on his mind. If he says, “I was wondering what you like to do for fun.

Which signs are most likely to go back to their ex? ›

  • 5 zodiac signs that are likely to give a second chance to their ex. Every one of us has committed an almost unpardonable act at some point in our lives. ...
  • Libra. Libras are strong proponents of forgiving others. ...
  • Cancer. Cancer has a difficult time saying goodbye once they become close to someone. ...
  • Virgo. ...
  • Pisces. ...
  • Gemini.
Nov 18, 2022

How do you test if your ex wants you back? ›

20 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
  1. They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
  2. They Keep You Updated. ...
  3. They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
  4. They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
  5. They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
  6. They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
  7. They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
Dec 20, 2022

Why do men move on so quickly? ›

“There are likely several reasons for this,” she says. “Men are not reinforced or socialized for emotional communication the same way as women, relationships may often have a different functionality for men, and men at a certain younger age may not feel the same pressure about family planning and marriage.”

Do dumpers miss their ex? ›

Does the dumper ever miss their ex? In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting.

How do guys act when they are hurt after a break up? ›

One of the telltale signs he is hurt after the breakup is if he can't stop talking to you. Indeed, he knows you guys have broken up, but letting go is hard for him. He will text you, call to ask about your work and friends, or look for an excuse to hear your voice. These signs mean he cannot accept your separation.

How long after a breakup is it really over? ›

When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.

What goes on in a man's mind during no contact? ›

The male mind during no contact

The no-contact rule male psychology forces him to recognize his loneliness. After a breakup, if you stop contacting him, he will feel free and enjoy this phase as much as he can. But, with time, the loneliness and guilt pang will start to kick in.

Will silence bring him back? ›

The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.

How often do exes reunite? ›

A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.

Do soulmates break up? ›

But if we happen to face reality, we don't always end up with our soulmates. It can be absolutely heartbreaking to let go of someone so precious, but sometimes, it's probably for the best. You have to know this always: just because you two are soulmates, doesn't mean you two will be soulmates forever.

Why do exes come back after years? ›

Your ex might return for various reasons. For example, they could miss you, still feel in love, or want to work on the conflicts that ended the relationship. In other cases, they might feel lonely, don't want to take responsibility for their actions, or feel the breakup wasn't permanent.

Can an ex miss you but not want you back? ›

Someone can miss you but not actually want to get back together. They may think you're great, claim to be crazy about you, or miss the things that ensured they got their needs met, but they don't miss you that much.

When we miss someone can they feel it? ›

Definitely, not all people but some people can sense it, especially empaths. An empath or someone you're in sync with can catch your vibrations easily and this can often clue them into what you are thinking or feeling.

What does it mean when your ex goes no contact? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

How do you know if a guy is heartbroken? ›

If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.

How long until he misses you? ›

According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.

How long does it take for a guy to forget her ex? ›

"It can take anywhere from six weeks to three months to forever, depending on how intense the relationship was, how invested you were in each other, and how heartbroken you are," says Jane Greer, PhD, New York-based marriage and family therapist and author of What About Me? (Those three factors all sort of piggyback on ...

Do guys regret hurting their ex? ›

Most men who initiate breakups or hurt their partners through their actions or words do eventually experience remorse over losing their beloved. Ultimately, your man will likely realize the flaws in his behavior and actions. Men do painfully come to terms with the harsh reality that they've lost a very special lady.

What men do to get over an ex? ›

Coping With a Breakup: 10 Tips for Men
  • Nest. ...
  • Go easy on the alcohol. ...
  • Get a relaxing massage. ...
  • Invite friends over to your new house for dinner and cook for them. ...
  • Don't “mind read” and assume you know what others are thinking. ...
  • Talk to your friends. ...
  • Prioritize adequate sleep. ...
  • Process guilt and shame.
Jun 12, 2014

What kind of girl guys regret losing? ›

Guys regret losing a girl that knows her own mind and has a clear concept of own self-worth. A confident woman knows she deserves to be treated well and won't accept anything less.

How a man feels when he hurts a woman? ›

When a man hurts a woman he loves, he feels emotions such as anger, guilt, frustration, self-loathe, fear, etc. Although he may not express his feelings confidently, a man will show signs he is sorry for hurting you or signs he knows he hurt you.

How does a man feel when a woman leaves him? ›

Many people feel a sense of grief for the person and relationship they lost. Your significant other might very well experience intense sadness after you walk away as he grieves for what you had together. Being dumped can also cause him to question his self-worth and lower his self-esteem. He may miss you.

Do guys hurt when they break up with you? ›

Despite the age-old stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, a new study has found that men are in fact more likely to experience more emotional pain than women following a breakup.

How do I make him realize his mistakes? ›

5 Ways on How to Make Him Realize He Made a Mistake
  1. Stay away a bit.
  2. Don't argue at all.
  3. Never ever talk about past experiences.
  4. Focus on yourself.
  5. Be the future you.
Jun 11, 2020

What will make a man regret losing you? ›

To make him regret losing you, you can:
  • Show him that your life is just as good without him;
  • Focus on exploding with inner and outer beauty;
  • Try to initiate one more talk and remind him of all the good things you've been sprinkling over his life.
Dec 16, 2022

Is it ever healthy to get back together with an ex? ›

There are times when a breakup can bring clarity about what you want in a partner, and coming back together is a good choice. However, in most circumstances, once you break up with a partner, your outcomes are better if you move on instead of cycling back to them.

What is the success rate of no contact? ›

What is the success rate of no contact? The success rate of this rule is usually almost as high as 90% because the person who has broken up will inevitably contact you for one of two reasons.

Can a breakup make a relationship stronger? ›

' Although ending a relationship can be painful, a separation can give a couple space to work on personal issues that have been harming the relationship. 'It can help individuals reassess their priorities, helping them to know more about what they would like to get out of a relationship,' says Fredrickson.

Why do guys avoid their ex? ›

In reality, men experience more emotional pain after a breakup. They also need more time to move on from heartbreak. Since many guys are not comfortable displaying their emotions, they become avoidant. Loss of a relationship is often a common cause of why men go cold suddenly.

What he thinks when you don t contact him? ›

He could feel angry or upset.

He might think you're being rude or fake, and may even try to confront you about it or get a rebound girlfriend in response. Anger usually gives way to remorse after a few days or weeks and is a normal response to breakups or the silent treatment.

How many days of no contact before you move on? ›

The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.

How long will a guy go no contact? ›

Roughly 4 weeks of time alone should be enough to get back into the normal rhythm of the single life. It might feel messy and strange at first, but after 30 days you may find yourself feeling much better. While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different.

Does no contact make them miss you more? ›

Use the no contact rule

Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.

Who suffers more after a breakup? ›

Despite the age-old stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, a new study has found that men are in fact more likely to experience more emotional pain than women following a breakup.

Who moves on faster after a breakup? ›

There's a reason for this, according to new data from Match's Singles in America survey: Guys just get over breakups faster. Match surveyed more than 5,000 men and women and found that half of dudes are over a rejection in a month, while the average woman takes four months to get over it.

How do you know when a breakup is final? ›

8 Signs that Your Breakup is Permanent

You feel better apart than you did together. ... Your friends and family haven't been the biggest fans of your ex. ... You've already moved onto someone else (or your ex has). ... There is a clear misalignment of fundamental values and life goals.

Do dumpers ever feel guilty? ›

Guilt: Many times the person who ends a relationship feels intense guilt over causing harm to someone they care about.

Do dumpers regret when you move on? ›

Both the dumper and dumpee experience a range of emotions after a breakup. Dumper's remorse doesn't happen in all relationships, but there's a good chance that your ex experiences some uncertainty and regret after ending things.

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