18 tips to get over a breakup when you still love each other (2023)

Every breakup is different, and some hurt more than others.

There's no doubt that breakups are a lot worse when you're still in love.

Unfortunately, sometimes separation is the only solution to the problems you face personally or as a couple.

See how you can move on after a difficult breakup, even if you both still have strong feelings for each other.

1) Don't avoid the pain

From an early age we try to avoid pain.

It's human nature and it's encoded into our biology and our evolution.

We feel pain and seek joy as an antidote.

We are hungry and looking for food.

We accidentally touch a hot surface and stop touching it as soon as possible.


The same applies to our emotions:

We feel desire and look for ways to satisfy it.

We are sad and trying to find a solution to fix it.

After breaking up with someone you love, you will feel a world of pain. Your life may feel like it's all but over.

If you go to a therapist, they might diagnose you with depression or try to pathologize that pain and make it seem abnormal or wrong, but it's not.

It's a human emotion and a reaction to the emotional wound you've suffered from not being with the person you love.

Feel it and accept it. Don't put conditions on it. That pain is real and it's your heart's way of processing what's going on. Let it be and don't try to block or deny the difficult emotions you are going through.

2) Respect how your partner feels

It's important not to analyze too much if you tryto get over a breakupif they still love each other

However, some basic questions are important for the process, such as: B. who broke up with whom.

Who wanted to break up, or was it really mutual? What led to the breakup and what was the last straw in the end?

These are questions to ponder, but not to obsess over.

If you feel like there's still life in the relationship but your partner doesn't agree, it can be very difficult to accept.

But you have no choice but to respect how your partner feels about it. Many people try to convince and win their partner back, but it's very difficult.

and including yesa chance to bring them back together:

  • I can't hold on to that hope of getting over it and;
  • You need to respect how they feel before you can change that.

3) Allow yourself to continue loving...

At first, I asked you to accept the pain you feel and not try to push it away or pathologize it (see it as an illness or disability). Pain is natural and you cannot control or stop being upset about it.

For the same reason, you cannot turn off the love you feel.

For awhile, you might feel like your ex is everywhere you go and in every song you listen to.

You may feel that your life has lost focus or that a part of you has simply disappeared and been erased.

This is a confusing and difficult experience, but the love and emotions you feel for your ex are not to be held back. they are what they are, right

Like psychologist Sarah Scheiwitz, PsyD. write:

"It's totally possible to love someone else and be incompatible with each other. That's how easy life is.

"Don't blame yourself because you couldn't make the relationship work."

4) ...But accept that the relationship just won't work out

Compatibility and love are not the same thing.

(Video) How to Get Over The End of a Relationship | Antonio Pascual-Leone | TEDxUniversityofWindsor

In fact, they often contradict each other.

It's one of life's cruel ironies that sometimes those we have the strongest feelings for aren't the ones whose lives and goals don't fundamentally align with ours.

Accepting that a relationship with someone you love is not going to work out is the hardest thing in the world.

When you're dealing with this, you may feel like you just can't accept or understand even though the breakup is over.

I was in the same position and found a lot of vague and unhelpful advice about this.

In the end I found the most useful resource inrelationship hero, a website with trained love coaches.

These reputable professionals are genuinely approachable and know what they are talking about.

Going online is so easy and explaining the situation to them and getting helpful and practical advice about my breakup was so much easier than I thought.

I really suggestlook at them.

5) Take out the imagination

One of the best tips for getting over a breakup when you're still in love is to let your imagination run wild.

Your relationship may have been ideal in many ways and you may still care deeply about each other.

But there is always a level of idealization that enters into relationships and our feelings for those we love.

The French writer Stendahl called this the process of "crystallization," which basically means that when we fall in love with someone, we idealize them in every way, even their bad or incompatible qualities.

This is how you sometimes see couples who look so different physically, intellectually or emotionally:

Falling in love has blinded her to her partner's flaws and incompatibilities, although these tend to resurface later.

But think about your ex and that desire to get back together, or at least your difficulties in accepting the separation.

Was it really that good? Do you really want to go back? Don't miss any of the dark details...

As the Lake Tikvah Recovery Center says:

"If you say you would like to go back and be with them because it was the most beautiful and fulfilling part of your life, then you are not objectively reflecting on the relationship.

“You describe a fanciful version of this. Because if it had been perfect, it wouldn't have ended."

6) Seek support from people close to you

Many of us try to survive on our own when we are in a crisis. We lock ourselves in, close the blinds and try to solve our problems by drinking or watching Netflix.

Needless to say, it doesn't work.

Often the support of those around you, including friends and family, can be the factor that makes all the difference, even the presence of someone you like and trust.

You don't have to talk a lot about the breakup or open up about the breakup if you don't want to, but try to spend at least some quality time with a trusted friend or family member.

This reduces the feeling of being completely alone with your pain and the idea that your life is over.

Your life is not over yet and better days will come. Just think that anyone in your situation would be suffering and suffering.

Don't worry about it and try to reach out to at least one or two people in your inner circle of friends and family.

7) Stop seeing them

If you want to know the best tips for getting over a breakup when you're still in love, start by not seeing your ex.

This might sound like the worst thing in the world, but let's be real:

you will never beforget someoneif you still see them around, talk to them and possibly still sleep with them or otherwise interact with them.

It's crucial to take a clean break to allow yourself to get through this.

This includes not messaging or contacting your ex unless it's a practical matter that needs to be resolved, like a divorce. organize the collection of belongings or legal matters.

(Video) How To Move On After A Breakup?

Of course, this also raises the question of what exactly it means to get over someone.

The term is used a lot and I think it can sometimes be misinterpreted or misunderstood.

You will not stop loving who you love. You won't forget them or suddenly change all your feelings towards them.

If it worked that way, these situations wouldn't be so difficult.

Rather, "getting over" someone means moving on with your life and healing to the point where you can live again despite the sadness and love you feel for someone you're not with.

Getting over someone doesn't mean you don't love them or don't care anymore. It simply means that these feelings are no longer the focus of your life and that you are letting some light on the possibility of loving someone new one day.

8) Don't keep reminders

When I say don't keep memories, I'm not necessarily saying throw away all memories.

While some articles recommend these types of steps, I think they go too far in the direction of repression and denial of what is happening.

It's normal to want to keep a few mementos of your time with someone you love, including a photo or two or a gift you got.

Just place them out of sight and not front and center.

Pack keepsakes and keepsakes and treat them like something to take with you on a rainy day a few years later.

Think of them more like historical archives than anything else. It's not about continuing to maintain a relationship that ended. It's just a memory or two that you'll keep.

Don't keep those memories, and possibly also consider moving to a new apartment or house.

Sometimes, a change of scenery can be the best strategy for getting over someone you love but can't be with.

9) Keep this matter private

Please keep this matter as private as possible.

Getting over a breakup is a truly tragic event and is likely to pique the concern and interest of many mutual friends and acquaintances who want to know what happened.

You can explain something you agreed on with your ex, but try to keep the details light.

No one has the right to intrude on your personal life, and opening yourself up too much can be a big mistake.

Not only does he take the breakup into consideration and focus, but he also creates a process where his breakup is constantly renegotiated and discussed as if it were some kind of mob-voted issue.

Try to keep the details of what happened as private as possible.

"Mutual friends will probably want to know what happened after a breakup."Crystal Raypole points and advises to do so"It's usually best not to go into detail."

10) Social media is not your friend

One of the biggest temptations after a breakup is social media and spending time on social media to follow your ex and your ex's friends.

I recommend against this:

This will make you more unhappy and make it much harder to get over a breakup.

No matter how much you love each other or how much you feel the breakup was necessary, social media will only add insult to injury.

Try to do a complete digital detox for at least a few weeks after the breakup.

If that's not possible, stay away from things related to your ex, at least for now.

And as I mentioned beforerefrain from contacting themunless strictly necessary for practical reasons.

11) Take back control of your life

To beaftermath of a breakupIt's a difficult time, regardless of the circumstances.

Falling in love with your ex just makes things harder.

The temptation here is to become a victim and wallow in what's happening, but you must do whatever it takes to avoid that fate.

Accepting the pain you feel and acknowledging the negative emotions doesn't mean you have to give in.

(Video) How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

When you feel that pain and realize how disappointing and frustrating the situation is, try to channel that frustration and despair at the same time to regain control of your life.

The best way to start is:

12) Take care of yourself

Start getting up at a certain time, work on your diet, and take care of yourself physically.

Even if it's just a small routine at first, try to develop healthy habits that are proactive about your health.

DespiteAre you still in love and suffering from the breakup?, imagine taking care of yourself as if you were taking care of a valuable asset.

That property is your body, but what makes it even more valuable is that it cannot be replaced.

This is the only one you have and you owe it to yourself to take care of it.

This includes taking a break from work when needed, getting outside, feeling the sun on your skin, and taking care of your needs.

Chief among these needs is that you:

13) Give yourself a break

get over a breakupif they still love each other, it will take time.

Give yourself this time.

Turn down social invitations, cry and sometimes feel lonely. It's all part of the process.

I encourage you to reach out to at least one good friend or relative, but that doesn't mean you have to be a social butterfly.

It's understandable and healthy that you need some time to figure things out and just let those emotions wash over you.

You are experiencing real heartbreak, and you don't need to force yourself out of it right away.

14) Don't worry about your ex's life and plans

In the past, I've made the mistake of focusing on an ex I still loved and focusing too much on her life.

What have you done?

Who were you with?

Would there be another chance?

The answer to all these questions should be to turn my phone off and off social media.

Part of the way I grew to respond better to this situation was with the help ofrelationship herothat I mentioned earlier.

The love coaches were very helpful in seeing how my approach to breakups was making them worse than necessary.

I began to see how much I could improve my response simply by eliminating certain toxic behaviors I was engaging in that were hurting me.

Instead of focusing on what (or who) your ex is doing, try:

15) Examine the beliefs that drive your life

What moves your life?

Are you also sitting in the passenger seat or do you have negative baggage and past pain behind the wheel?

This is a crucial part of getting over a breakup with someone you still love.

It's about taking a look at your driver's manual and making sure you know how you drive your vehicle (your life) and where you want to take it (your future plans).

Take time and focus on what could be and start implementing practical steps related to your career, personal development and personal belief.

It will all pay off and allow you to more effectively focus on your goals.

Which brings us to the next point on how to get over a breakup:

16) Focus on your own goals

What do you want to achieve in life and what are your priorities?

(Video) How long does it take to get over a breakup? | Am I Normal? with Mona Chalabi

Maybe it's owning a home, reconnecting with old friends, starting a business, or finding a spiritual path.

Maybe you just learn to enjoy life more and relax a little.

Focus on your own goals instead of figuring out exactly what's going on with your ex.

Think about how you can dramatically improve your everyday life experience and satisfaction, even if it's just little things.

17) Stay away from security guards

In this article, I emphasized the need to accept the pain you are going through and not try to repress it.

I also talked about recognizing the love you still have as you move forward.

Feeling the pain and doing it anyway is basically the idea here.

One of the obstacles to this is rebound relationships, a common way people try to get over a breakup while they're still in love.

But dating and having sex will only make you feel more empty and disappointed.

try to avoid jumpsas much as possible.

They are not worth your time or effort and will not help to end the pain and disappointment you feel, they will only exacerbate an even bigger crisis.

18) When applying makeup, take it easy

If you decide to reconcile with your ex, take it slow and don't force it.

Proceed with caution and never bet on a favorable outcome.

The reasons you broke up in the first place are likely to come up again, and sometimes even stronger the second time around.

Remember that in order to get over your ex, you must leave the relationship completely.

Maybe you still love her...

Maybe you still miss her...

but up to youFully accept the relationship as over., his memory will haunt him and any attempts at reconciliation will only be a struggle to turn back time.

Julia Pugachevsky explains in detail:

"Of course, when you love each other so much, it's natural for you to think about getting back together. Which, well, can work out and even make your relationship stronger than ever.

"But of course, proceed with caution."

Live life when love fails

When love fails and you lose the person you love, it can feel like the end.

But it could also be the beginning of a new chapter.

It will hurt and it won't be easy, but don't give up.

Follow the guide above and always believe in yourself and your ability to survive and move forward.

You've made it this far, and in the future you'll look back and see that this was a fork in the road, not the end.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice about your situation, talking to a relationship counselor can be very helpful.

I know this from personal experience...

I signed up a few months ago.relationship herowhen I was going through a rough patch in my relationship. After being lost in thought for so long, they gave me unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to make it work again.

If you've never heard of Relationship Hero, it's a website where highly qualified relationship coaches help people get through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get advice tailored to your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic and genuinely helpful my coach was.

(Video) How to Get Over Someone

Click Here to Get $50 Off Your First Session (Exclusive Offer for Hack Spirit Readers).


Why do people break up when they still love each other? ›

The most common reasons people break up usually involve a lack of emotional intimacy, sexual incompatibility, differences in life goals, and poor communication and conflict resolution skills. There are no wrong or good reasons to break up. However, some things in a relationship are just outrightly unacceptable.

What to say when breaking up with someone you still love? ›

What to Say and How to Say It
  • Tell your BF or GF that you want to talk about something important.
  • Start by mentioning something you like or value about the other person. ...
  • Say what's not working (your reason for the break-up). ...
  • Say you want to break up. ...
  • Say you're sorry if this hurts. ...
  • Say something kind or positive.

How do you get your ex back when you both still love each other? ›

Steps You Can Take & Things To Say To Get Your Ex Back
  1. Give Them Space. ...
  2. Apply the No Contact Rule (Yes, Even on Social Media) ...
  3. Become a Person You Can Be Proud Of. ...
  4. Make Some Positive Changes in Your Appearance. ...
  5. Make Some Positive Changes in Your Mentality.
2 Dec 2021

Can two people love each other and still break up? ›

For some couples, an insurmountable hurdle pops up and they go their separate ways, even though they are both still very much in love with each other. That's when breaking up, and moving on, is truly hard to do.

Why is it impossible to let go of someone you love? ›

The Reason Why It's Hard to Let Go

Loss comes in many forms, not just death. And every loss comes with a certain level of grief. Letting go of someone you love also isn't just about that person. It also signifies a big change in your life, and maybe even your identity.

How do you let go of someone who doesn't want you? ›

  1. #2. Admit To Your Feelings. ...
  2. #3. Give Your Wounds Time To Recuperate. ...
  3. #4. Never Blame Yourself. ...
  4. #5. Share Your Feelings With Someone. ...
  5. #6. Cut-off All Ties With This Person. ...
  6. #7. Fall In Love With Yourself And Look After Yourself. ...
  7. #8. Try Some Physical Exercises. ...
  8. #9. Think Of The Positive Aspects.
30 Jan 2021

How do you get over someone who doesn't want you? ›

10 Expert Tips for How to Get Over Someone
  1. Grieving is the first step of the process. ...
  2. Put someone else on speed dial. ...
  3. Structure your days. ...
  4. Put extra focus on self-care. ...
  5. Take a step up in your next relationship. ...
  6. Get excited for your future. ...
  7. Purge your pictures (and your social media), but don't act rashly.
12 Dec 2019

Should you end a relationship if you still love each other? ›

Yes, it is okay to break up with someone you still love. There are a multitude of reasons that a relationship may no longer be working, even if you and your partner care deeply for each other. You might feel like best friends or even soulmates, but you can't stay in relationships that aren't right for you.

What percentage of relationships get back together after a break? ›

According to much research, about 40 to 50 percent of couples get back together after a breakup. While this is positive, many factors determine the chances of getting back together after a breakup. To begin with, most people get back together with their ex because they still harbor some feelings for them.

Do couples usually get back together after a break? ›

According to new research, almost 50 percent of couples break up, and then get back together again. Yeah, that's a little messy, but there are upsides to splitting up before settling down for the long haul, according to Sheri Meyers, PsyD, author of Chatting or Cheating.

Why is silence powerful after breakup? ›

There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.

How do you end a relationship with someone who still loves you? ›

Here are 11 tips from relationship therapists for healthily breaking up with someone you love.
  • Give it your all before leaving. ...
  • Know that it will hurt. ...
  • Know your "why" and stand your ground. ...
  • Don't try to be friends right away. ...
  • Set boundaries with your ex. ...
  • Set boundaries with your friend group. ...
  • Avoid social media stalking.
7 Jan 2022

How do you say goodbye to an ex you still love? ›

I'm glad we both agree that this relationship isn't going where we want it to. I wish you all the happiness in the world with someone else, but it's time for us to say goodbye for good. Hey [Ex's Name]. I'm really glad we're both on the same page and we agree this is the end.

Can you fall back in love again with the same person? ›

There are so many cases of meeting an ex after a long gap and falling in love all over again. Whether it's your long-time partner or someone who wasn't a part of your life for a while – the bottomline is we can rediscover love with the same person more than once.

How do you tell if you'll get back together? ›

Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back
  1. 1 They leave your number unblocked.
  2. 2 They're sad weeks after the breakup.
  3. 3 They're active on your social media.
  4. 4 They haven't returned your things.
  5. 5 They keep in touch with your friends and family.
  6. 6 They initiate contact regularly.
  7. 7 They reminisce about the past.

Can you be truly in love with two people at the same time? ›

Polyamory is engaging in loving relationships with more than one person at a time. Polyamorous people feel they are capable of feeling and expressing romantic love for multiple partners. They may have numerousromantic relationships that are based on mutual consent.

Can you truly be in love with 2 people? ›

But, experts say that sharing your heart isn't out of the question. There is no one-size-fits-all way to experience romantic love, which means that loving two people at the same time is possible, according to NYC-based relationship expert, Susan Winter, and host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, Jess O'Reilly, Ph.

Is it OK to love two person at the same time? ›

“You can absolutely fall in love with two people at the same time,” he says. “Walt Whitman was right — you contain multitudes. Someone might bring out your confident, sexy side and you'll love them for it. A second person might make you feel safe, loved and deeply connected, and you'll also fall for that person.

Is true love letting someone go? ›

Love includes letting go.

Just as the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was.” There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom.

How to accept he doesn t want you? ›

  1. Listen to music that lets you feel your feelings.
  2. Exercise. It helps to clear your mind and you will be healthier.
  3. Write in a diary if you have one.
  4. Write a letter to him if you want. ...
  5. Go on some long walks by yourself. ...
  6. Know when to stop. ...
  7. Consult a therapist if you can't get back into your normal life.

Is if you love someone let them go true? ›

There is an old saying that “if you love someone, set them free; if they come back to you, it was meant to be.” This phrase means that you should not make or guilt someone into staying in a relationship with you. If love and you are truly meant to be together, you shouldn't have to force it.

How do you know if he doesn't love you? ›

13 Signs He Doesn't Love You Anymore
  • You Think He Doesn't Love You. ...
  • He Doesn't Prioritize Time with You. ...
  • The Things He Loved About You Seem to Annoy Him Now. ...
  • He Withdraws. ...
  • He Stops Complimenting You. ...
  • He Never Mentions the Future. ...
  • His Behavior Feels Inconsistent. ...
  • He “Friend Zones” You When You Flirt with Him.
15 Jul 2022

What to do if someone loves you but you don t love them back? ›

What to say if someone says 'I love you' when you don't feel the same way
  1. If you think you could eventually fall in love with them, focus on the potential.
  2. If you don't think you'll ever love them, it might be time to discuss the relationship.
  3. If you don't love someone anymore, it could be time to end the relationship.
14 Aug 2018

Can you be friends with someone you love who doesn t love you back? ›

Staying friends with someone after developing real romantic feelings for them can be hard. However, many people have successfully remained friends after unrequited love confessions. Although it's common for two people not to be able to get past potential awkwardness, it can still be possible for some.

How do you accept someone doesn't want you back? ›

What To Do When Your Crush Doesn't Like You Back
  1. Don't Be Quick To Take It Personal. ...
  2. It's Not A Reflection Of Your Personal Worth. ...
  3. You Don't Like Every Person That Likes You Either. ...
  4. You Can't Force Someone to Like You Back. ...
  5. Give Yourself Time To Process How You Feel. ...
  6. Avoid These Common Social Media Pitfalls. ...
  7. Move Forward.

Can someone love you and still break up with you? ›

So yes, it is absolutely normal and valid to break up with someone you love because you realize the two of you just aren't a good fit anymore. There are many people who were in healthy relationships but broke things off because they knew they weren't a good fit.

How long does it take to get over a breakup when you still love him? ›

When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.

How do you know if it was true love after a breakup? ›

One of the top signs of true love after a breakup is wishing your ex well. If you think about your ex and want them to be happy wherever they are, it shows you genuinely love them. There are bad breAkups and bitter exes around. Partners in committed relationships in the past always wanted the best for their exes.

Will someone leave you if they truly love? ›

Despite the reasons some people have when they decide to leave a relationship, the truth of the matter is that they just didn't love you enough. They may have feelings for you but their love wasn't strong enough to make them want to stay. When you love deeply and intensely, you won't easily leave someone you love.

What is the 6 month rule in a breakup? ›

“I try and go by the 6-month rule, which says that for most of us to fully heal, it usually takes around 6 months for every year we are with someone,” Peacock says. For example: If you were with someone for 1 year, it would take 6 months to get over the breakup.

What does heartbreak feel like for a man? ›

Some people describe it as a dull ache, others as piercing, while still others experience it as a crushing sensation. The pain can last for a few seconds and then subside, or it can be chronic, hanging over your days and depleting you like just like the pain, say, of a back injury or a migraine.


1. The Fear of Ending a Relationship
(The School of Life)
2. Which Long-term Relationships Will Survive and Which Won't
(The School of Life)
3. The Hardest Person in the World To Break up With
(The School of Life)
4. If Someone Broke Your Heart - WATCH THIS | by Jay Shetty
(Jay Shetty)
5. The difference between healthy and unhealthy love | Katie Hood
6. Hey Steve: The One Question You Need To Ask Before Taking Your Relationship Next Level
(Steve TV Show)
Top Articles
Latest Posts
Article information

Author: Kieth Sipes

Last Updated: 02/09/2023

Views: 6248

Rating: 4.7 / 5 (47 voted)

Reviews: 86% of readers found this page helpful

Author information

Name: Kieth Sipes

Birthday: 2001-04-14

Address: Suite 492 62479 Champlin Loop, South Catrice, MS 57271

Phone: +9663362133320

Job: District Sales Analyst

Hobby: Digital arts, Dance, Ghost hunting, Worldbuilding, Kayaking, Table tennis, 3D printing

Introduction: My name is Kieth Sipes, I am a zany, rich, courageous, powerful, faithful, jolly, excited person who loves writing and wants to share my knowledge and understanding with you.